Another trip to the corner store. She agonized over it. She thought about it all day long. She tried to distract herself with music and books and cleaning. But the compulsion could not be stamped down. She went. Do you know what it's like to spend the last $20 you had on junk food -- cakes and ice cream -- just to eat it and throw it up? It's shameful. After the gorging and release, she felt defeated. And soiled. An addict unable to stop. She showered for hours.